Turning our gaze outwards

The Irish Times - Tuesday, December 29, 2009

CHARLIE TAYLOR


Your Lifestyle: As we grow older our desires change and we enter what is known as the Third Age

AS WE grow older, many of us find ourselves in situations where we have achieved some, if not all, of our ambitions.

While we may have accepted defeat in a number of instances or changed our focus so that what were once important goals no longer interest us, there comes a point where we have attained much of what we initially strived for.

While setting new goals is something that is very much part of human nature, according to a number of renowned thinkers including Carl Jung and Abraham Maslow, as we grow older our desires change to the degree that we are no longer quite so absorbed in seeking material comfort or in achieving goals that benefit only us. Instead we turn our gaze outwards in order to bring about accomplishments that will benefit all of society.

Sometimes referred to as the Third Age, this era can be a time of new opportunities but one which may also be marked as a difficult period of adjustment as individuals begin to say goodbye to one way of living and hello to another.

According to psychologist and life coach Catherine Keers, from the age of 50 onwards, people often start preparing themselves for retirement but many still have fire in their bellies and an urge to achieve more.

She believes that most people have high expectations at this time of life as they often feel as though they have earned the time to focus on doing things they might have deprived themselves of previously due to family commitments and career.

“Often for the first time people start to really feel free from the expectations of others and ready to be more authentic and live in a way that truly has meaning for them,” she says. “People at this age want to focus on what really matters and what gives meaning and true happiness and, therefore, they become increasingly mindful of how precious time is and careful about how they want to use what they have left of it.”

According to Keers, the so-called Third Age brings as many challenges as it does prospects, particularly for those who have attained the sort of success that many of us can only dream of.

She says some individuals may experience an identity crisis when stepping down from careers which have absorbed them greatly, particularly if they have sacrificed the opportunity to develop other aspects of themselves or deepen their relationships with family and friends in order to be successful.

While such difficulties may lead some into therapy in order to resolve the issues that present themselves at this particular time in life, others find other methods by which to address such challenges.

Brian Ward, a former HR and executive search consultant with Merc Partners and KPMG, and the chairman of the Coolmine Therapeutic Community, is trying to help those who are at a loss and seeking guidance.

Ward, together with his business partner Joe Banks, a former director of personnel at Pfizer and Gateway, has set up TA Futures to work directly with those who have achieved success in business but for whatever reason have now stepped down from their positions.

“In my own experience in my former roles, it was not uncommon to have senior executives coming to meet me at the end of say a term as chief executive or managing director and inquiring ‘what’s next?’,” he says.

“Often the completion of a particular role or project or piece of work or, indeed a redundancy situation or a severance offer, provides a time for reflection for individuals during which various issues begin to surface. These need to be addressed, such as happiness, respect, contribution, health and control of the next stage of life.”

While Ward concedes that there is some element of life coaching involved in the programme, he’s adamant it differs due to its focus on ageing.

“Often, in our experience, people who have led busy lives as executives do very little planning for the Third Age; some therefore cope quite badly when there is no longer support from their company and former corporate colleagues. We also come across people who have ‘unretired’ – individuals who have discovered that golf may be an enjoyable and social pastime but that it should not occupy most of their time,” he adds.

The TA Futures programme is offered to individuals who meet on a one-to-one basis with a consultant for a series of two- to three-hour sessions. During the meetings, a series of exercises are carried out which enable the participants to see what aspects of their lives they would like to change and how they might go about it.

The cost of the programme is generally €1,500-€2,500 and, according to Ward, it has had a positive reaction from HR directors who see it as being potentially beneficial for people in the later part of their careers who may be deciding to leave an organisation.

According to Ward, few of those who seek his help are motivated by money but are concerned with focusing on finding meaning and making an active contribution to society. “The Third Age provides a context for self-fulfilment, freedom and purposeful engagement – which is largely new in human history,” he says.