Sex and the entrepreneur

This article appeared in the Irish Entrepreneur - 2005

Sex and the entrepreneur

LONGER WORK HOURS AND STRESS IS COMPELLING AN INCREASING NUMBER OF PEOPLE TO NEGLECT THEIR SEX LIVES. TIME TO GET THINGS BACK IN ORDER!

What the hell is going on? Are we working so much that we cannot come back home and have a good, happy romp? Work has already disfigured our spinal cords, played havoc with our nerves and made us lose appetite. Now it’s posing a threat to our sex lives.

Sex is good. In fact, sex it great. Apart from being good for physical and mental health, it is a necessary part of all relationships to enhance security and establish feelings of trust. So why must sex take the plunge?

It has been reported that higher management tends to be more stressed and therefore has a reduced libido. Italian researcher, Ciro Basile Fasolo of the University of Pisa found that, “Lack of sexual desired is directly linked to the stress factor, reaching its peak in professionals, the self-employed or the firm manager.“ He goes on to say that one-in-three self-employed men or managers suffer from a lack of sexual desire and 64% have problems getting and effective erection.

People’s lives are rarely compartmentalised with separate professional and home lives and as a result, individuals often experience stress at work that is intertwined with stress and conflict at home. In short, personal problems impact on work performance and work issues impact on personal lives. Catherine Keers, a psychotherapist and counsellor based in Dublin says, “Apart from the physical repercussions of stress, a prolonged shortage of time and energy is very likely to undermine other aspects of our lives, including relationships with partners and sex lives. When we are exhausted and stressed, sleep can become a priority over sex. If we are not working on our relationships and spending time relating and communicating to partners, we can start to feel less close and intimate, and sex is then also affected.”

Working hours also impact on a person’s sex drive. The National Framework Committee report includes a national survey of employers and results show that a ‘long hours culture’ does exist in Ireland, with 86% of senior managers, 61% of junior managers, 39% of other non-manual workers and 30% of manual workers reporting that working longer than standard was common for them. Dr Gillian Moore-Groarke, a consultant psychologist in Cork adds, “It is fair to say that both men and women who work long hours have a reduced libido. Generally people who work long hours find it harder to relax and are more inclined to drink more, thus impairing sexual performance.”

Individuals greatly vary in their capacity to ensure stressful situations. This is because a situation that one person may find stressful may not bother another person. Explains Keers, “The experience of stress is highly individual and has a lot to do with coping mechanisms we learnt in our early lives. The main sources of stress in the workplace have been found to be lack of control over work, the work place and employment status. Employers who are unable to exert control over their lives at work are more likely to experience work stress and are therefore more likely to have impaired health. Many studies have found that heavy job demand, and low control can lead to stress. It has been seen in some studies that job-related stress may be a particular problem to those doing ‘people’ related work.”

It is also suggested that women are more affected than men when it comes to coping with the balance of work and sex. Dr Moore-Groarke suggests that women over their mid 30’s tend to be more affected, particularly those who are juggling professional careers with parenthood. “Professional women work harder to keep up with their male colleagues and often exhaust personal resources or pleasures in lieu of work. Women are also more defensive. A relationship with a professional woman demands a true understanding from her partner of the pressures of professional life otherwise her male partner will end up resenting her,” Moore-Groarke claims.

So, what can we do? In his book, ‘The heart of success: Making it in business without losing in life’, Rob Parsons offers seven guidelines for success in business and life: Don’t settle for being money rich and time poor, believe that the job you do makes a difference, play to your strengths, believe in the power of dreams, put your family before your career, keep the common touch, don’t settle for success; strive for significance.

As employers it is important to respect and encourage employees’ rights to a fulfilled life inside and outside of work, and to recognise this as being beneficial to both the employee and the organization. Dr Keers advises that it is important to recognise our choices and to explore how we can exercise control over balancing work and personal lives. “We need to give ourselves permission to prioritise our personal lives, relationships and leisure activities,” she advises.

Stress management should now be a part of every management education. Sexual intimacy should not be seen as a functional means of relaxation, but rather as an important part of developing a relationship. Dr Moore-Groarke recommends, “Make a date with your partner regularly and communicate with him or her every day. Choose spontaneity from time to time.”
If you don’t know what to get your partner for Valentine’s Day here’s an idea. Go to the adult store. And spend lavishly. You know you want to.