It's life but not as we knew it

This article appeard in the Irish Independent, 14 August 2003

It's life, but not as we knew it

Longer life expectancy and sociological change mean it's unlikely we will follow in our parents' footsteps. MARIANNE HERON looks at the new life landmarks

Those 21st birthday celebrations and that retirement watch at 65 have become redundant. The map of life has shifted and the predictable path followed by grandparents and parents is no more. The goalposts of adulthood have been shifted as children mature earlier and seniors stay younger and live longer. In between, the landmark events of adult life - first job, marriage, parenthood and retirement - have moved too. Time spent in education and at home has become longer, marriage and parenthood have been delayed until the 30s and are preceded by serial relationships and co-habitation.

It is possible to be rich and famous well before customary middle-age thanks to fast-track careers - just look at Posh and Becks, J. K. Rowling and our own Nicky Byrne and Georgina Ahern.

Some of the biggest changes are in later life. Not only has life expectation increased - just look at the recently deceased Bob Hope and Katharine Hepburn who both lived into their 10th decade - but people remain younger for longer, 60 is now like 50 or even 40 used to be. And there are plenty of evergreen icons like Joan Collins, Cliff Richard and Mick Jagger - all in or around their 60s.

Retirement has become a moveable feast as some retire earlier to make the most of creative time and others remain productively in harness. Twenty somethings, unburdened by responsibility, may travel the world but these days 60-somethings, healthier, wealthier and with fewer children, are just as likely to decide to circle the globe too or buy a property in the sun.
In a sense we have all become trailblazers, encountering exciting new paths unmapped by previous generations. The downside, though, is that we no longer have a yardstick to guide us.
The blueprint or 'schema' for a life plan, which each of us carries, is shaped by childhood experience. Given that the blueprint is influenced by our parents' lives it can be quite out of sync with the reality of our own life patterns in a fast changing world. "We have no blueprint," affirms psychotherapist Catherine Keers, "It was a lot easier for our grandparents in some ways, there were fewer choices and a more set path." Given lives that are different from their parents' 20 and 30-somethings look outside the family for direction. "They see a lot of ideas about what they are supposed to be, they see the whole celebrity culture and sometimes they are setting themselves up for failure by striving for a perfection that doesn't exist."

Catherine identifies the 20s as a decade where people are looking for direction, setting ideals and goals and are unsure how realistic these may be. By their 30s some of the clients Catherine sees may be experiencing a life crisis a whole decade earlier than mid-life crisis experienced by previous generations. "Reality bites, they may have chosen a career or made a commitment. They begin to question their choices and they don't know how to change, or find happiness. My sense is that there is a lot of striving and questioning."

As young trailblazers set out in life and break away from their parents' life patterns they no longer have a yardstick against which to measure their achievement. "They have to be able to validate themselves and that is a very difficult thing to do," says Catherine. "If something goes wrong people tend to blame themselves. Life now is much more uncertain because it is no longer mapped out into definite steps and stages."

When unable to validate themselves individuals may become very concerned with how they appear to others and may seek to establish an identity through where they live, what clothes they wear or what kind of car they drive rather than what they actually are Catherine points out. "Naturally we look for approval in order to have a sense of self and if people take a different path from their parents they need to be very strong."

Each phase of life requires adjustment and change in the challenges thrown up by the passage from one stage to the next. When we don't make the expected transition, say from college to successful career, or when marker events like marriage don't materialise then we may have difficulties in adjusting. And these days we can no longer refer to the experience of previous generations for guidance because life cycles have altered.

"Life patterns are different for different people, everyone has a schema for what life holds which is laid down in early childhood," explains psychologist Dr Ann Staunton. "Some people are more flexible than others and it is the people who are rigid and have difficulty adapting if things turn out differently who are most likely to run into trouble."

A crisis can be triggered at any stage through life when the life plan doesn't turn out as expected. Not only bereavement but failure to marry by a certain age, marriage break-up or redundancy can all be experienced as loss. "If something you expect doesn't happen less flexible people may become depressed, they may feel a sense of failure and inadequacy and loss of self esteem."
Some people seem to sail through life regardless of difficulties while others view unexpected events as disasters, Personality and schema both come into play in the way people react to life. Personality can be seen as a landscape which dictates the path taken by the rolling ball of life experience.

What that landscape contains in an Irish context has altered rapidly especially in the last generation. Dr Helen Russell, Sociologist with the ESRI, pinpoints some of the main changes which have taken place: "The patterns are very different between now and 20 years ago. Fifty percent of women with children are now in the labour force, there is the impact of smaller family size, the age at which women become pregnant is now several years later so there is an extra period before transition to parenthood." The pattern of family formation has also changed as more children are born outside marriage (although within stable relationships) there are more lone parents both through single parenthood and separation or divorce.

"One of the biggest changes has been women doing part-time work, particularly single women, and couples don't necessarily retire together anymore," says Pat Murphy MD of the Retirement and Life Planning Service. He has also noted a higher incidence of divorce where couples have difficulties with the time management and relationship adjustments necessary for retirement.
"There is a greater tendency for people to stay on in work longer," says Murphy. (In Norway there are now organisations to encourage older workers to stay on in a situation where the country may have to become dependant on migrant workers due to greying of the population.)
"But people should be able to make their own choices about whether to be productive or constructive for themselves."

Stages in the new life map:

• ADULTESENCE 10-18 years: Teens are materially better off but they have less supervision as their parents have to work and they are more likely to come from a single parent family due to social factors. There is greater pressure at school due to the scramble for third-level places. Although they will reach earlier physical maturity it takes them longer to become fully fledged adults and there is a lot of pressure to get involved in sex, drugs and drink.
• PROVISIONAL ADULTHOOD 18-30: This group will defer their independence, choosing instead to stay on in education and live in the family home. This leads to a prolonged period without major responsibilities. Their career paths are more complex with both sexes being career driven and this gives them the money and freedom to enjoy life. There's a major transition from learning to earning and from dependence to independence. This group are likely to have casual sexual encounters or serial relationships and will probably live with a partner at some point.
• AGE OF REALITY 30-40. There is alot of pressure to succeed professionally and personally. Many people will feel the need to get on the property ladder. This is the most likely time for people to become parents but near the end of this period some people may experience career burnout and make radical changes to their lives.
• PLATEAU 40-55 By this stage people have established themselves in career and relationships and anyone who had previously separated is likely to embark on a second marriage around now. As HRT has eliminated the problem of menopause women who were previously homemakers may embark on new careers or re-training. It is necessary to plan for the third age at this stage.
• THIRD AGE 55-85 This generation look and act younger than anyone this age before them. They may travel or return to study and they have the time to indulge in their hobbies. Anyone who hasn't planned ahead may discover they have pension problems and are forced to remain at work. Couples who retire could find themselves at risk of divorce if they don't plan for it properly. Many people will only have their first grandchild in this period as their children defer parenthood.
  

Marianne Heron