Wedded blues: Married life a shock for some couples

This article appeared in the Evening Herald, 12 February 2008

Media: Post Nuptial Depression warning for newlyweds

By Caroline Crawford

More and more Irish couples, who have spent months planning their dream day, are getting hit with post nuptial depression.

The "I Do Blues" are having a dramatic effect on newlyweds - who can't seem to shake off the low feelings in their first steps into married bliss.

One in 10 newly married couples are now feeling the effects of post nuptial depression, according to reseach.

The condition can continue for months, leaving sufferers feeling disillusioned, confused and even questioning if getting married was a mistake.

Anti-climax

According to an Irish consultant psychotherapist, the increasingly common condition can often be linked to the anti-climax couples face after their wedding day.

Catherine Keers, a consultant psychotherapist who has come across the phenomenon in the past, said that couples often get completely caught up in the wedding preparations.

"I think it can be linked to the pressure of the wedding," she said.

Ms Keers added that it can be hard for couples to "get down to reality" after their wedding and honeymoon.

And she stressed that couples should discuss in detail what it will mean to be married -long before the wedding.

"Ask yourself - have you discussed your and your partner's expectations of each other and the relationship, for instance, who will do what or play what role within a marriage?

"Knowing what to expect from your relationship after the weddingo should go some way towards avoiding feelings of disappointment and depression. Although sometimes it's simply the routine of daily life that get's you down," she said.

The consultant psychotherapist gave the example of one couple who had been together for years, with one partner working abroad and coming home on weekends.

"They go along fine, each very independent during the time they spent apart, enjoying romantic reunions at the weekends. After they got married they decided he would not work abroad any more and get a job closer to home. They then started facing a lot of new problems, because the reality of living together full-time came as a total shock.

Compromise

"This caused major problems for them and required them to figure out if they wanted to, and indeed were able to, compromise and re-establish their expectations of each other and of their roles within the marriage," she said.

While the blues can seem to go on forever, couples are being given some tips to help the through.

These include not letting money be an issue by adjusting to a budget while planning, so as not to feel so suffocated by bills. Plan nights out with friends and other social events for after your wedding and honeymoon. Consider having your honeymoon a few weeks after the wedding day, so the celebrations won't come and go all at the same time. Don't open all the presents in one go. Keep active and engage in new projects on your return.